Thank you. I appreciate this. And I think you re right that I don't really understand any of this. And honestly if I were just planning to live my life and focus only on myself, I wouldn't want to. A lot of what all of this has made me think about is... honestly terrifying. Trying to understand how people think in ways that are different from how I think is something I have been working on for years.
I really don't understand how someone could abuse someone else and not see that is what they are doing, that they could be doing this and not meaning it. I've dealt with abusers, I've been harassed, and stalked, and bullied. I've been verbally and physically attacked. And I will admit.. I've honestly never been able to figure out they why. I doubt I ever will.
But even if I was never planning to run a game, I need to start thinking about this more now that I've been made aware of it, because I want to be someone who can actually help people. I want to be able to be a better person, and a better friend. Maybe some day in the future, a good mod. And to do that I have to learn from all of this, even if that learning is painful to me. I'd rather be hurt than hurt someone else. A million times over.
And if what you are saying is true (I do not think that you are lying to me, this is my own difficulty in grasping this at this point) then I need to not only think about how to help others, but also examine my own patterns of behavior to make sure I am not doing this to anyone myself. I would never want to accidentally or unintentionally hurt someone. Friend, family, stranger. Anyone. I really have a lot to think about and process in all this, and I thank you for the additional information.
I do not at all feel like you are in any way piling on. I appreciate the information. I just... I guess I can't get my head around abuse not being intentional. And that is something I need to figure out. Somehow.
I will say that the one thing you mentioned that is giving me a different sort of difficulty is your example for harassment. Because I have trouble understanding how someone not in that situation could draw that line. As a mod, should I ever be one, I would want to protect my players, and harassment would be stated in the rules to be not allowed. But the kind of harassment you described wasn't what I was thinking about. I guess because I have had social media glitch and unfriend me from people's accounts who 100% did not unfriend me and would not have. I did ask why I was no longer on their friend's list. In some cases there was surprise and confusion and then things were resolved and it was a glitch. In some cases it was intentional and they explained why and I thanked them and respected it, and in some cases I asked, was ignored, and let it go. I honestly don't see how just asking could be harassment, but I will keep it in my mind that at least some people see it as such.
I have always been a big believer in feedback and communication. That is why I appreciate so many people being willing to be open and honest with me about their feelings. So that I can learn and do better. So that others reading it who have fallen into the same traps I have fallen into can also learn and do better. I understand that wanting the answer so I can improve is in large part selfish. I... can't really help that. I do want to be a better person, a better friend. And if I hurt someone I want to not only make amends, but also try to learn so I won't hurt them or anyone else going forward. But while I kind of always knew that asking was selfish, I never thought it could be harassment, that it could be hurtful. And if anyone reading this is someone who I ever made feel uncomfortable by asking (or in any other way) I am sorry. Very deeply sorry. It was never my intent to hurt you or upset you.
And this wondered, sorry. I am a bit emotional now, I will admit, and will probably be more clear headed on the topic after I have had some time to really think about it.
I appreciate so much that you took the time to not only bring this up, but to explain it. To give me this chance to do better and hopefully cause less harm.
Re: Addressing all comments so far. Thank you for them!
I really don't understand how someone could abuse someone else and not see that is what they are doing, that they could be doing this and not meaning it. I've dealt with abusers, I've been harassed, and stalked, and bullied. I've been verbally and physically attacked. And I will admit.. I've honestly never been able to figure out they why. I doubt I ever will.
But even if I was never planning to run a game, I need to start thinking about this more now that I've been made aware of it, because I want to be someone who can actually help people. I want to be able to be a better person, and a better friend. Maybe some day in the future, a good mod. And to do that I have to learn from all of this, even if that learning is painful to me. I'd rather be hurt than hurt someone else. A million times over.
And if what you are saying is true (I do not think that you are lying to me, this is my own difficulty in grasping this at this point) then I need to not only think about how to help others, but also examine my own patterns of behavior to make sure I am not doing this to anyone myself. I would never want to accidentally or unintentionally hurt someone. Friend, family, stranger. Anyone. I really have a lot to think about and process in all this, and I thank you for the additional information.
I do not at all feel like you are in any way piling on. I appreciate the information. I just... I guess I can't get my head around abuse not being intentional. And that is something I need to figure out. Somehow.
I will say that the one thing you mentioned that is giving me a different sort of difficulty is your example for harassment. Because I have trouble understanding how someone not in that situation could draw that line. As a mod, should I ever be one, I would want to protect my players, and harassment would be stated in the rules to be not allowed. But the kind of harassment you described wasn't what I was thinking about. I guess because I have had social media glitch and unfriend me from people's accounts who 100% did not unfriend me and would not have. I did ask why I was no longer on their friend's list. In some cases there was surprise and confusion and then things were resolved and it was a glitch. In some cases it was intentional and they explained why and I thanked them and respected it, and in some cases I asked, was ignored, and let it go. I honestly don't see how just asking could be harassment, but I will keep it in my mind that at least some people see it as such.
I have always been a big believer in feedback and communication. That is why I appreciate so many people being willing to be open and honest with me about their feelings. So that I can learn and do better. So that others reading it who have fallen into the same traps I have fallen into can also learn and do better. I understand that wanting the answer so I can improve is in large part selfish. I... can't really help that. I do want to be a better person, a better friend. And if I hurt someone I want to not only make amends, but also try to learn so I won't hurt them or anyone else going forward. But while I kind of always knew that asking was selfish, I never thought it could be harassment, that it could be hurtful. And if anyone reading this is someone who I ever made feel uncomfortable by asking (or in any other way) I am sorry. Very deeply sorry. It was never my intent to hurt you or upset you.
And this wondered, sorry. I am a bit emotional now, I will admit, and will probably be more clear headed on the topic after I have had some time to really think about it.
I appreciate so much that you took the time to not only bring this up, but to explain it. To give me this chance to do better and hopefully cause less harm.
I appreciate it more than I have words to say.
Thank you.